Fathers, Children, and the Power of Tone

It may seem odd to some that we're taking time on a dentist's blog to talk about this subject, but it's intensely relevant -- it's time to talk about the power of words. Everyone understands that, to a degree, it's a father's job to be an example for their children, but not everyone understands to what degree your children are actually watching you all the time and how easily they pick up on your cues. We see this quite often right in our waiting room. Two fathers with two children can be sitting right next to each other. One father will say something to his child like "Are you ready to go see the dentist?", and the other will say something like "All right, buddy, let's go." The difference is that the first one sounds excited, and the other sounds like he's about to walk into a much-dreaded seven hour Dora the Explorer marathon.

The first father's child walks in looking around and interested. The second walks in nervously and isn't at all pleased to be there. In all likelihood, the first child will look forward to coming back to the dentist, and the second one will scream and fuss the next time their checkup comes due.

We often underestimate the power that a single phrase can have over our children. One study from Dr. Carol Dweck proved that one single instance of praising a child's work ethic versus praising their intelligence caused as much as a 50% swing in test scores three tests after the praise was given. (Praising work ethic provided higher scores).

When it comes to something with as much 'scare potential' as a visit to the dentist, it's critical that as a father, you're very careful about the words -- and more importantly, the tone of voice -- you use with of your children.